Final Year. Junction.

I was watching The Ming Thing (TMT) on YouTube while I was cleaning my room. Well, I sort of know this guy because he studied in HELP and he is one of Victor's close friends. Out of nowhere, I clicked into this two links The Last Class Ever and First Anniversary of TMT . It made me reflected on my life, particularly University life.

I have tried all these whiles to keep my uni-life wonderful and as colourful as I could. Honestly, I would say I did it during my foundation year as well as year one and two. Now, I am stepping into my final year where I need to focus on my thesis. Unconsciously, I shift attention to thesis and assignment rather than what I did previously. Previously, my aim was to remain my result at B (75-85%) and not to aim any higher, but if I got, I treated it like a bonus. However, in this semester, I am actually aiming for A to the point that I would skipped GB for two months just to complete my assignments (not thesis you know, just assignments only).

One of the things that causes me to behave so is because now I am joining a new gang of friends (well, we were close but now closer more la) where few of them are really high achievers. They want all the group members commit whole-heartedly into that assignment and etc. I felt REALLY BAD when I knew I needed to leave GB for two months because I love GB and that is what I love to do- to educate the new generations. I knew in my heart, this is not what I love but I have to do it because of assignments, and I can foresee it will happen continuously in the coming semesters. In other words, I am getting further from my dream and it actually violated my aim of life - meaningful life is much more important than achievement in exams.

Yesterday I was talking to Victor and he asked me what I plan in future. I could only tell him the general things that I wanted to achieve whereas he could tell me the detailed plan of his. Part of me felt very shameful of myself because I am sort of lost now. I love to do volunteering job OR educating to change the perspectives of the new generation (i.e. how dating life should be, how a girl should behave etc), but I know volunteering job is NOT EARNING MUCH, really, and the other options will be hard. I don't want my life to be like this because year three is supposed to be the final year where I could truly find where I want to stand in future. I actually thought of changing group but I know it gotta be hard. Besides that, I actually thought of utilizing myself to change the perspectives of my friends (well, there is slight improvement now and I am looking to see more). In this year, I stopped all my extra-curricular activities and just left GB yet I am not serving in that setting.

WHAT AM I DOING? 

Focusing on studying? Really? 

Is this what I should do? YES. 

But is this what I want to do? NO!

Hmm, based on the discussion yesterday, I have a draft in my head.

• After graduating (aged 22) - spend half a year or one year to explore different types of volunteering and find my area of passion lies. (Hehe, can travel and serve at the same time).

• 2 years (aged 23-24) - Teach For Malaysia. (this is going to be real though matter)

• Get into career mode - either lecturing and/or getting my master and if possible I would like to serve in GB (because it helps me to shape who I am today) or serving under an NGO setting.

Victor did recommend me to take masters in counseling because he sees the potentials in me and he suggests me to apply my knowledge in counseling into GBM which will result in impacting more girls than helping them one by one. However /i do not think counseling is my field of interest. Moreover, one of my major obstacles is about salary- because money is the basic need to sustain my life as well as my family (when I have in future). I want to become a woman who is financially independent. I want to live on my own. (LOL, I am quite feminist isn't it :p). I could plan all this for my single life but when got into marriage life I not sure how to adjust it though- because got kids and in-laws family. But seriously, I need to do something this year besides the thesis matter. Hmm.....God please give me wisdom and show me the way, what am I supposed to do in my future life. Thank you in Jesus name I pray, Amen.

Him Again!

Hi, I am back! Well, after months :p
I was writing for my film blog (course requirement) and it reminded me that I HAVE ABANDONED MY BLOG FOR SUCH A LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG TIME! *shake head*
Well, after knowing him, Victor Goh, my post is all about him lol. 

And I am going to post about him again! XD

He told me that he is considering to serve in St. Gabriel Church. I am very happy when I heard of that because he finally knew what he wants and he wants to make effort to pull me closer to God. When I told my officer about this, she is very happy as well and she says "if he comes to serve in SGC, you will be coming also lor. :) That will be nice!" Well, I am really looking forward towards it because all these whiles I really wish to attend church service but I am worry for my parents particularly my mom who is slightly against Christianity. Thanks to Victor who proves and shows her how a good Christian is. She accepted him as a christian now and actually sayang him more than me lol. XD I thank God for this man who would hold my hand and pray before meal, who would pray with me when I/we have issues, who would answer my questions about my doubts on Christianity, who would lead me closer to God, and who would show me and my family how a true Christian and true gentleman should be. My mom even said :" I wish Onn Shin would learn from Victor."

It makes me wonder why the married couples or cold couples always say :" ..... makes me fell in love again!" Whenever I listen to that line I think that it is just a cheezy lines to make the drama looks better or what. Just now I was listening to the theme song from OnCall 1 and 2 as well as some TVB drama songs, it makes me feel like I am falling in love with him again. :) It actually does happen! Sometimes, I wonder if we really look alike because people always say we either look like siblings or husband-wife. I find it cute when one day we went to cut hair. The wash hair guy attempted to guess how long we have coupled. Initially he said :" ermmm 2 years.....but nonono, just now you both so sweet and lovely, should be just started one month." LOL XD Well, a lot of people say we look like couple for a long time yet we look sweet at the same time (I take it as a compliment). I pray and wish we will remain this sweet for the rest of our lives :) Even when we grow old together. God, thank you for giving us chances as well as guiding us towards a Godly relationship that You wanted us to be. Thanks for leading us to go across so many challenges together, well we know there are more in future and we pray You will continue be our leader, our guidance and lead us through all the obstacles. Amen!